he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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