Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
