i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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