Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The uberlube is also flammable
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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