currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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