Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
