I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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