I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
