i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
