The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
