I will die if light touches me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
