my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
