put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
