go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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