That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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