you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
