Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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