im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
