Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
