It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
