i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
