Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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