chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Fuck appropriateness.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
