I think I won the penis lottery.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
