When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
