U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
