I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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