im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
