Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
