it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
