speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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