Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
