Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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