I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
