Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
