I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
