Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
