All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
