is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
