I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
