I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
