Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
