I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
