Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
