somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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