yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
