From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
