OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
