She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
