We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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