what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
