highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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