"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
there is glitter all over my balls
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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